Wife Left Raising Newborn Alone After Husband’s Inability to Function With Little Sleep Leads to a Dispute Between Them: ‘He gets 8 hours of sleep and I get none’

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Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Jul 6, 2024 9:00 PM EDT

After a couple decides to tie the knot and gets married, the next step is usually kids. But how do couples know they are ready to have children? It seems like such a scary decision, and it's so life-changing, that you have to be 100% sure you are ready for it, but is anyone ever 100% sure about anything? 

My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years, and only now we are starting to feel slightly ready to discuss kids, which means we are having deep conversations about our plans for the future – How we each want to raise our children, how we expect to split the parenting responsibilities between us, and what we wish to get from each other in these times.

The couple in this Reddit story already have two kids, one of which is a newborn, but they now face an issue that stands between them – The husband seems to be unable to function when he does not get 8 hours of sleep, something that is quite impossible with a newborn baby. 

Scroll down to read about the full dispute between them, and what other people on Reddit had to say to the struggling wife. Up next, click here for a story of a wife who refused to parent her stepson.

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  • 01
    AIO at being enraged my husband can't function without 8 hours of sleep? I'm 10 days PP.
    via u/Potential-Check-3065
  • 02
    Prefacing this with the fact that I'm blessed beyond belief with my husband. We moved out of state unexpectedly when I was 34 weeks pregnant and he did everything in his power to make sure I didn't lift a
    via u/Potential-Check-3065
  • 03
    finger. He is a kind, funny, team player spouse and an even better father to our two year old. He was doing ALL of the housework and 2 year old care until our parents left now that I'm 2 weeks postpartum. I
    via u/Potential-Check-3065
  • 04
    definitely expected that level of help more than 2 weeks but that's not the actual issue. The problem is he is one of those people that completely cannot function without 8 hours. I too
    via u/Potential-Check-3065
  • 05
    enjoy a great 8 hours but I also know that's not in the cards for us right now that we have a newborn. He is also incapable of napping to make up for the lost sleep. He knows this and is aware. His nap turns into sleeping until the next
    via u/Potential-Check-3065
  • 06
    day. If you try to wake him up he either straight up won't wake up, or will snap and storm off and the remainder of the day is ruined. We have been taking shifts at night, someone awake for feeds 10pm-4 and then 4-10am. 6 hours each.
    via u/Potential-Check-3065
  • 07
    Although it's often interrupted with baby crying or me needing to pump or me if I'm in too much pain and need him to grab the baby for me; or him not being able to console the baby because he wants the {: (I pump).
    via u/Potential-Check-3065
  • 08
    The next day he is grumpy and unapproachable. He snaps and says nothing is wrong when something is clearly wrong. I have ultra high sensitivity so when someone is upset it basically penetrates my soul lol. I try to give space but when
    via u/Potential-Check-3065
  • 09
    the anger doesn't go away it's impossible for anyone to gave a good day. SO FOR MY QUESTIONS IF YOUVE READ THIS FAR:
    via u/Potential-Check-3065
  • 10
    • From my POV, my doctors advice and everything I've read, it's common knowledge no one's getting an uninterrupted 8 hours of sleep a night in the fourth trimester. IS THIS WRONG?
    via u/Potential-Check-3065
  • 11
    • No one is also getting long multi hour naps when a newborn and toddler are around. An hour refresher is perfect. 3 hours while the toddler sleeps is absurd and when I need help with the baby, housework, or maybe just gasp quality time since it's all we have.
    via u/Potential-Check-3065
  • 12
    • We are 34. You have to it up if you can't handle a day without 8 hours of sleep. "I can't function without 8 hours" is absurd. Learn to function. Be pleasant, and happy and enjoy these precious few weeks. This is temporary. We have to be
    via u/Potential-Check-3065
  • 13
    flexible. These six hour shifts are a good idea and our version of a compromise but they're going to change and won't always work perfectly like that. hes still not happy because it's not 8 hours.
    via u/Potential-Check-3065
  • 14
    ⚫for people like him that actually need 8 hours. Is this how it really is? Is it seriously out of his control? Am I supposed to be more understanding and find a way for him to get a solid 8 hours while I do the bulk of nights? If I'm wrong about all of this tell me.
    via u/Potential-Check-3065
  • 15
    How can he figure this out so we enjoy parental leave? Am I overreacting at being this upset and feeling so slighted and insulted?
    via u/Potential-Check-3065
  • 16
    sweaterweatherNE 2 days ago I think he needs a basic blood test and a thyroid panel. Also a sleep study. Maybe you can get down to why he's so tired. Seemingly for no reason. It could be a vitamin defy, anemia or very low thyroid or sleep
    via u/sweaterweatherNE
  • 17
    apnea. If it's an illness, getting it treated will help both of you. And please get some treatment on your own. Been there with the ppd. It feels hopeless
    via u/sweaterweatherNE
  • 18
    ArreniaQ 2 days ago Can one of your parents come back for a while? You need help and your husband apparently isn't physically able to provide what you need.
    via u/ArreniaQ
  • 19
    • Corfiz74 1 day ago It sounds like you sleep in the same room, so if your baby/toddler cries, you both wake up. Is there any way you can separate your sleeping arrangements, so that only the one on baby duty gets woken up, and the other gets some solid sleep? That should already help.
    via u/Corfiz74
  • 20
    And I agree with the comments that call for a medical checkup for your husband - if he is that exhausted, it could really have medical reasons (or he's just malingering).
    via u/Corfiz74
  • 21
    Away-Pineapple9170 · 2 days ago I don't think you're overreacting but I also don't think there's an easy solution here. You're newly postpartum and have every right to be supported more than you currently are. And it may also be true that your husband is doing the best he can and truly can't function with less sleep.
    via u/Away-Pineapple9170
  • 22
    Asking if a parent or family member can come help seems like a reasonable solution. Also, if you're doing the whole night shift, it is reasonable to expect your husband to pick up some extra slack during the day so that you can rest.
    via u/Away-Pineapple9170
  • 23
    • Typical_Mongoose9315 2 days ago If he needs 8 hours of uninterupted sleep, he should be doing as much as he can during the hours he is awake. He should basically have all the responsibility when he is not working. He should be able to do that, being so refreshed.
    via u/Typical_Mongoose9315
  • 24
    WassupSassySquatch 2 days ago Everything here is reasonable except "be pleasant". Sorry, no one is pleasant postpartum, and they should not be expected to put on smile with everything else going on.
    via u/WassupSassySquatch
  • 25
    The newborn period is HARD, if not downright torturous. Let the guy be grumpy (and allow yourself to be grumpy!) and trudge through this period the best you can. Parental leave isn't a fun vacation, it's a slog that will eventually come to an end.
    via u/WassupSassySquatch

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family drama baby drama kids mother wife reddit story parenting husband family pregnant newborn Reddit parents children Father
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